The picture on the left was last year at the Gluten Free Allergy Fest in Austin, TX. I had to buy clothes to wear to the show. I had just been wearing jeans that wear too big my boyfriend (who now is my ex) and oversized baggy shirts. I cried when I had to get a size larger than my usual “fat jean” size. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I hated it. I had avoided the scales, but when I broke down and stepped on, I was shocked and disgusted with myself. I did not even want to post the pictures from the expo because of the weight I had gained.
The middle picture was a fundraiser for the Special Olympics of Arkansas in July. I had already started to try to lose some of the weight. Cutting out sodas, fries, and sweets along with reducing the amount of sodas (regular and diet), I drank. The jeans from the first picture were starting not to stay up on me if I wore them twice without washing them. I was still very uncomfortable and honestly, very unhappy with myself.
The picture after that is this past St. Patrick’s Day. I had previously not been able to wear that tank top. The events that happened between the fundraiser picture and St. Patrick’s Day mind blowing to me. I had my heartbroken more times, than I would like to admit. Broken and forgotten promises along with huge misunderstandings and a relationship with a person I was planning to spend the rest of my life with ending. I will not go in to all the details but it was hard on me. My co-workers, friends, and family saw me walking around very much broken. They all knew I was holding it together but barely. I had joined a gym late last year, and started to go to help me deal with all the stress.
The picture on the most right, this was the other day, after going to gym with my mom. My older jeans that I have had since I was in college are starting to fit again. Jeans that use to be my “fat jeans” when I was smaller, so I know I have a little bit more to go to be back at my “normal” size.
I have not starved myself nor did I try a trendy new diet. I have been eating better, exercising more. By eating better, I mean healthy fresh foods and reducing the amounts of added processed sugars. Sleeping eight hours a night and drinking plenty of water along with working on letting go of stress, anxiety, and anger. I started exercising to help this. Break-ups are hard, and I knew that if I was not careful I would find myself depressed. Celiac’s are more prone to depression and I had already done battle with depression once. Once was enough. I did not start going to gym to get thin it was to get healthy. I have a 50% chance of becoming a diabetic due to genetics being overweight increases that risk to 90%. I had to do something. I can handle being Gluten-Free, not sure how I can handle adding blood sugar issues. .
When I started working out, I did not get on a treadmill or an elliptical. I choose the bike. I still have not even tried to run on the treadmills however, I have started to work on the elliptical some along with weights. I am not expecting to look like a supermodel. I am however starting to feel like one and honestly more like myself.
Change is hard, challenging, and rarely something welcoming. However, we should not fight it. Change is inevitable. It is going to happen if we like it or not. Nevertheless, keep this in mind. Without change, there would not be any butterflies.